I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
