From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
