Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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