I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
