How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
