Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
