Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
be right there i have to get my cape
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
