I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
