I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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