My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
