if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
