I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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