Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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