Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
