Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
