i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
