I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
