I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
