Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
