Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
