Swine flu. Run for my life!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
