some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
