people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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