We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
