drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
