he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
