I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
