Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
