I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
