no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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