Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
