if only i could text you this smell
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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