Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
