You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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