Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am one with the molecules
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
