I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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