You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
