Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
