she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
