exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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