I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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