I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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