I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
They have beer where we have blood.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
