Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
