my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
