I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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