Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This is the high leading the old right now
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
