You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
