I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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