I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
