He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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