I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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