dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
