we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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